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9/27/2007

「笑中帶淚」If Architects Had to Work Like Web Designers 如果建築師必須如網頁設計師一般工作


這篇文章是從 Mark's Place看來的,光看了開頭,就差點淚流鍵盤不已,好文章真是歷久彌新,小梅子這個不爭氣的修養啊 ......

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原著: 未知 (目前找的到的最早出處)
翻譯: Ryan Wang (http://blog.pwang.com/)
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親愛的 xxxx

請設計和建造我的房子。我不太清楚我所需要的是什麼,所以你應該酌情衡量。我的房子應該大概有介於二至四十五間臥室之間。請確定在未來我可以輕鬆地添加或刪除臥室。當你把建築藍圖帶給我看的時候,我才會決定什麼是我想要的。同時,估價的時候要給我各式各樣不同選項的價格表,使我可以看我高興挑選一個。

記住,你要保證新造的房子成本比我現在住的這間還低,而且你必須改正目前存在於我現住房子的所有缺陷(我現在的房子經過廚房時地板會震動,而且牆壁太薄了沒辦法隔熱防寒)。

當你設計的時候,也特別記住我希望把每年的維修費用盡可能壓低。這意味著你該自行吸收額外材質的成本,如鋁合金,強化塑膠,或複合外牆。 (如果你選擇不用鋁合金,準備詳細解釋你為何這樣決定)。 拜託,建造的時候你要將最新潮的設計和最流行的材料搭配進去。我希望它是用最摩登的創意與點子所創造最時尚的建築作品。不過特別注意,設計廚房的時候記得要把我祖母留給我的大同電冰箱考慮進去。

為了確保你將建造的房子適合我們全家人, 你必須聯絡我們家每一個小孩以及我的岳丈一家人。我的丈母娘會對房屋的設計很有意見因為她一年會來一次。

你要保證所有的衡量與抉擇是正確無誤的。但是,我仍有權推翻你所做的任何決定。

請你現在先不要用一些無關緊要的小細節打擾我。你的工作是為這個房屋制定總體規劃 - 做大事要想得深遠。舉例來說,在這個時候選擇地毯的顏色根本是無關緊要的。但是記住我老婆喜歡藍色。 同時,在這個時候先別擔心你要怎麼獲得興建房子的資源。你的首要工作是制定詳細的計劃和跟規格。但我預計當我一旦批准這些計劃, 兩天之內你會蓋好房子。

當你設計這房屋時特別給我記住,遲早我會賣給別人。因此,它應該有吸引各種各樣的潛在買家。 另外因為我住家附近的社區鄰居們都對房屋設計很挑剔,你必須保證他們喜歡我新房子的新奇特點。我建議你去看看我鄰居去年蓋的房子,我們超愛那間房屋的! 它有很多我們也想要放在新家的一些設施,例如那個奧運標準規格的游泳池。我相信你可以設計出這樣的新房子而不影響最終成本。

請準備一套完整的建築藍圖。在這個時候實在沒有必要做真正的設計,因為你其實只是在標這個案子而已。不過我事先先跟你說 - 如果我們改動設計而增加建築成本,你將會被追究責任。

你應該很高興能參與這項有趣的工程吧!你也知道,這種可以使用最新的技術和材料並自由自在的設計機會相當難得。 盡快完成整個企劃並且聯繫我!

PS :我的妻子剛剛告訴我,在這封信我給你的那麼多意見她不是很同意。作為建築師,你的責任是要解決這些意見分歧。我過去曾試過不過一直無法做到這一點。如果你不能處理好這件事情,我將不得不尋找另外的建築師。

PPS:也許我需要的不是一間房屋,而是旅行拖車。如果是這樣的話請盡快告訴我。其中最後一點應注意的是:要確保你的估價不超過六萬五千塊台幣。我有一個十五歲的侄子也會設計的房子,他說他可以用三萬兩千塊完成整個案子。

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year.

Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: Get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers.

Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house that he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often.

Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.

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本文章的圖為 Lynda Weiman很早期的一本書 Deconstructing Web Graphics的書封。這本書的中譯本是我翻譯的,當年翻得很不好,對不起出版社和Lynda,也對不起有買書的朋友,所以我到現在,再也不敢翻譯書了 .....

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